ClearYourHeartLetGo

In the unseen frozen green Outside icicles swept clean And as the windows open Dark clouds became an omen Of the raindrops about to fling For what was next was spring Flowers awake in morning sun Scents in the air soothly spun The floral aroma all around Petals perfectly safe and sound Only dew laid on the grass Droplets gleam look like glass Joyful green spreads the earth Picnics and watched clouds The people come in crowds The flowers are respected The grass is accepted But the bees are rejected When everything is interconnected The bees fly day after day And the people of nothing to say Black and yellow Much smaller than a fellow But is sm

Deserted was the way you ran away Past far beyond the breaking point I went Luggage in hand I could never repay I watched you leave crushed but hardly bent The love you sent meant nothing but sad traps You tried to start a new searching for grips In my heart you decided to be scraps Going through trials I only could make rips In the cloth that was our family; gone Was when you said you would forever care One day you will think at the peak of dawn That days you will miss the presence I bear It will be too late because you have misspoken While I’m clearly broken

"Strong?" The word tastes bitter on my tongue It is like blood that leaks from a bandage Shivers rush down my spine as she repeats "Strong" The word crushes my lungs and stifles my breath Like the entire universe comes to a standstill Sore eyes produce fresh burning tears watching Her believe I could ever be something like "Strong" It is funny really the way I could destroy Every ounce of goodness in my heart and still Be a crimson fiery word like "Strong" If I could be that shrilling word it means I wouldn't cause black and blue bruises all over Or slash my thighs in thin bleeding lines Or starve until my dainty bones shows I almost fainte

Once again I have failed Once more I let people down Repeatedly I let the tears fall Again and again I took the blades Over again I took the anger out Over and over I slashed my skin - Time after time I let my demons take over

  As a child I felt the wind against my face I felt the rain dripping down my hair  As I grew older I watched my freedom slip away I watched my mind cloud in darkness  As of now I hurt in the morning as the sun woke me I hurt on my hips as the blood poured  As I look back I want to feel the pain of laughter I want to cry of happiness I want to live as if nothing in the world could stop me - But I grew up

I sat on the cold tile floor I cried my hair in a messy bun I covered my hands over my face I hated to look in the mirror I bent over the toilet I felt the pain in my throat I wanted to be thin I told everybody I was okay

I watched depression creep over the corner I watched depression settle into my mind I watched anorexia point in the mirror I watched anorexia laugh at my legs I watched my cuts deepen on my thighs I watched my cuts begin on my hips I watched myself cry softly in the pillow I watched myself cry silently staring into dark I watched my family break a part I watched my family tear love to pieces I watched my friends excuse my presence I watched my friends leave me once again I watched death seep in my brain I watched as death called me everyday - I came with death as it seems death offered me the best plea

Have ever met this girl named Deb She hides in your closet and under the bed She follows you everywhere even your mind Somehow someway she is surely kind She laughs in your ear "Cut" she whispers near No I say, I want her gone "Yes" she says for far too long I get the blade, put it on top of my arm "Do it" she says with quite a charm Over and over the blood starts to pour "Worthless" she says again, I want more She clouds my head with thoughts of death "Fine" I say under my breath Deb whispers something one last time "Do it, nobody cares, you should die" with such grime Deb claimed another victim, you see it was me Depression won and

I'm sorry ears for all the words you have to hear I'm sorry eyes for all the hot tears streaming I'm sorry stomach for all the times you growled I'm sorry hips and thighs for all the blood you shed I'm sorry wrists for all the bracelets you wear I'm sorry mind for all the bad thoughts in there Most of all I'm sorry heart for all the times I wished you stopped - And now it has

trapped shipped away forever she will stay alone long gone she will always be leaned on laughed at and sad but too mad to forgive to forget so far she will set at a time and place she wears lace at a wedding with her scars but so there she made it this far